by Pete Jansen
Healthy communication is at the heart of disciplemaking because it reflects the heart of God. If discipleship is the process of helping others follow Jesus, then the way we listen, speak, and respond plays a crucial role in shaping that journey. Scripture repeatedly calls us to communicate with wisdom, humility, and grace, and James offers one of the clearest foundations for this: “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” (James 1:19). Before we ever guide someone in faith, we must learn to guide our own tongue—and even more importantly, our own heart. Disciplemaking cannot flourish where communication is rushed, careless, or reactive. It grows where listening is intentional, speech is thoughtful, and everything is grounded in God’s Word.
- Communication Begins with Listening and Talking:
Clear communication requires two things: talking and listening. Yet if you’re anything like me, you might find that while someone is speaking, your mind is already crafting a response. And often, what we plan to say has little to do with what we’re hearing. That disconnect doesn’t just affect our conversations with people—it affects our communication with God as well.
2. Listening to God Forms the Basis of Spiritual Growth:
Before we pray, have we spent time listening to Him through His Word? Do we allow Scripture to shape the things we bring back to Him in prayer? Good communication leads to understanding, understanding to knowledge, and knowledge to application. We grow—spiritually and in life—when we listen well and apply what we’ve received. Everything we’ve ever learned was communicated to us in some form.
3. The Warning Against Quick Words and Emotional Reactions:
James tells us plainly: be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. That’s where clear communication begins. If we’re crafting a reply instead of listening, we’ll likely miss what’s truly being said. And when we misunderstand, frustration or even anger can follow.
4. Tone Matters: Wisdom From Proverbs:
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Tone matters. A gentle, thoughtful response can diffuse tension, while a quick or careless word can escalate it. Proverbs 15:28 adds, “The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.” A godly communicator listens carefully and reflects before responding.
5. Models of Grace-Filled Communication:
Jesus modelled this perfectly. His words were purposeful, clear, and filled with grace. Paul taught the same, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Colossians 4:6). Becoming good communicators begins with listening to God’s Word—observing it, understanding it, and then applying it. Prayer helps us go deeper as we ask the Lord to enlarge our understanding.
6. The Wisdom of Restraint in God’s Presence:
Solomon offers a reminder of God’s authority: “Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God… Therefore, let your words be few.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2). Rushed words create confusion and conflict. There’s an old saying: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” Though not Scripture, it is like Proverbs 17:28: “Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.”
Why Communication Matters in Disciplemaking:
Poor communication—quick words, slow listening, and emotional reactions—often lead to wrath. And wrath does not produce the righteousness of God. So, let’s slow down. Listen well. Choose your words carefully. Respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally.
The Fruit of God-Honouring Communication:
Clear communication honours God and helps you grow, strengthening every relationship you have. Let the Lord teach you to hear before you speak, and to speak with grace when the time comes.
Pete Jansen is an everyday disciplemaker, retired pastor and lover of God’s creation. He and his wife Glenda live in beautiful Logan Lake, BC.
Thank you for this wisdom-filled post, Pete! May Jesus teach us, transform us and lead us to speak and act like Him.